u think u can outsmart getting hurt...???

do people reallly think they can do that.... outsmart hurt...???


can we...????

" it happened all over again.. "
ironical as it is that i understand...

u love sumone and dey dont love u bak... u trust sumone and dey go ahead and break it ina blink.... u hand over urself to sumone else and they leave u alone in the destructive world... u wannna change for someone and dey take dat chance away before it takes shape....

what was wrong with her ..? she wondered.. as she had been for ol dos years... what was wrong with that no one loved her .. just wanted a part of her.. never the whole of her.. why was she so insufficient .. she wept ... she felt weak...

it ws yet another dark night...
empty and cold....

"did she not deserve love... ?"

she wandered aimlessly.. lukin for d support that wud get her thru.. but all she got was illusions... what seemed true to her turned out to b wrong... d forces of nature were against her...
she cud not compete nemore... she couldnt b strong nemore... she is a nomad wid one desire... "her happyness" and she has looked everywhere and she found tears everytime... tears dat have now become her shadow.. a thousand needles had been poked right into nher heart... making a thousand little wounds... which gave a pain greater dan dat given by a big wound... it never would heal....

"she looked in all d wrong places or it seemed ol d wrong places found her.. "

today yet again she got her already broken broken heart totally smeared into shreds... her heart weeps and asked her why did she put it through the same agony and excruciating pain ol over again... she answered " did u think u could outsmart getting hurt... ?"

you cant run away from hurt.. it follows u around,.... if u cnant risk it u are a coward.. and if u do risk it u have to b strong enough nto get through it. .. . . . .

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do

d harder u fall, d higher u bounce................

"A non-doer is very often a critic-that is, someone who sits back and watches doers, and then waxes philosophically about how the doers are doing. It's easy to be a critic, but being a doer requires effort, risk, and change."

she was jst lost , n shud i call him a fool or i belame d cirumstance 4 it, wateva it is ,was, left her shattered, n wordz cant in itself conjure d feelingz, can i do dat 2?
no she herself will lack words 4 it, olthough she has flair 4 writing!
but sumtime lyf leavz u at a point whr u r widout wordz ,feelingz,emotionz,rather ol dat is left of u is a so cald prson............whoz jst ditto of her but den not her, not d 1 i knw not d 1 she used 2 b n not d 1 i will call my bestfrn ironical, dat it is d time she wud wanna call me D BESTEST FRN!

i did evything i wud wanna do still ol i can,cz i wanted her bak, n cz i wanted her lky my bf,jst d soarhrt sortz,d figthz(ok 1hrs in particular) d luv (ok 1min in particular,esply 4 me)d frenship(1 miilion bilion,trilion yrz in particular)i wanted it ol,
well yeah selfish i m , n as horibly gud in geting wat i want as can b, n so der i pushed her on 1 more time , n again n again n again n der she fought hard,she knew she din wanna luse not at d stake of me
i knw its vividly alive in front of her eyes in her thotz ,in her............................................... but

wid d passin of time she wud slowly tire of dis xercise.she wud find it incresingly xhausting 2 conjure up 2dust off,2 resuscitate 1nce again wat was long dead.der wud cum a day ,infact,yrs l8rs whn she wud no longer bewail his loss,or not as relentlessly,not nearly,der wud cum a day whn d detailz of his face wud begin 2 slip 4m memoryz grip.she wud not miss him as she did now whn d ache of his absence was her umremitting companion lky phnthom of amputee.
she wud do jst fine , n i will get ye bak!

"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials."
u jst won d trial। he has lost it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



साki

somewhere in between.....

i cant be losing sleep over this.....

cant be losing sleep over this, no I cant , And now I can not stop pacing

Give me a few hours, Ill have all this sorted out

If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand still , I cant be this unsturdy

This cannot be happening

This is over my head but underneath my feet

Cuz by tomorrow morning Ill have this thing beat

And everything will be back to the way that it was

I wish that it was just that easy

Cuz Im waiting for tonight

Then waiting for tomorrow

And Im somewhere in between

What is real, and just a dream

.......

i hope to god it was a dream.... it hurts....reality hurts... this is when u wished that u were living the fantasy... life has come to a screeching halt...and its like being pulled in ol da directions and yet u get so glued to that one moment...unable to move even a bit... u go nowhere...

trapped in by fear...pain.. . helplessness... by those tears that wouldnt fall... hoping that things would just go back to normal.. waiting for tomorrow...and yet knwoing that its never too easy...and things just might never change.... stuck in da middle...caught in by the invisble force....those chains of emotions never letting u go.. pulling u down under with them... dey are the dark forces now i know... taking u nowhere... am somewhere in between.. still hoping this all is just a dream....if i could do nething to turn this around... but its like having lost all power... having lost control..

.in the end its da destiny dat won... having robbed me of everything...!!!

i miss . . . . . .. .!!!!

" was it real or just a dream....?????"

foool's paradise....

arent we living in the perfectly carved out fol's paradise... believeing and hoping...and trusting...and then opening the biggest possible gateway to get ourselves hurt...
pretending and ignoring...
knowing the truth but still trying to contadict oursleves and the others aorund us...
hiding beneath those layers of the endless lies and deceit..
and still having the courage to stand up as if nothing ever happens and that the world is fucking lying and a crooked place.. though its is definitely crooked for a fact but still are we any less...??
i wonder... well we arent.. we go on and on and on....going afterthe things we arent suppose to chase in the first place...
being with people , we are suposed to stay away from...
"lusting afetr the forbidden fruit..." as they say...
pretending to be strong so that the world cannot see the weakness that prevails in us....
we are stupid and ignorant and blind....
blind towars the truht and facts of life..
trying to be our own person and losing our identity in doing so...
being so ironically cliched...
twisted..and demented....

gawd..... the pain is being inflicted now...
it hurts to see..
where we have reached and hwat we have become...
i wish we wrent human at times... could become numb to all these emotions....
could just turn every tear into a smile... but i cant....
and dis is da price to be paid to have lived so long in a fol's paradise...
why do they say so....
hmmmmmm ...welll isnt it obvious.... we always like to do those things taht we know even if remotely....are gonna change the course of our lives for good....
we are ol a bunch of fools..... who know it ola nd yet they dnt...
who can save themselves from the fire yet they jump right on into it....

.....

we all are a bunch of fools...living in the unknown....
living in the fool's paradise.....

in depth of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer.

Hey

{2 ol who thot of n went through d effortz of openin d page n decidin 2 go through & fcoz 2 ol dose who dint go through u hav hey wid 1 more thing-seriously as if I CARE!}



DIS IS MUCH OF MY BEST FRNZ PROPERTY, i jst feel lky tresspassing sumtimes n 2day i was 2 lonely & wandering around whn i knew xcatly d place i was luking 4!

i dnt wat m i trying 2 rite,but i m aware its gonnna b sum heavy stuff in here, so u guys still hav d choice to go bak n TAKE D HEY WID 1 MORE THING!(LOLZ)





surendering is d last thing i wud hav wanna do, to ny thing ,person or circumstances, but i guess IT CAME OUT TO B D LAST OF THING LEFT TO DO, i jst gave up , d protected,vry luved n strong saaki away, away in sum1 hands, tusting ,to b safer,wateva may cum n cared lky der isnt nuf care left in world,n luved but foolish r US, n i joined d company now!

to get a blow ,in return f evrythin, evry pinch of u , get is A BLOW THROWING U FACE DOWN N hitting u directly -bang! n ol u can do is left on mercies of dem ,dey feeling bloody nthing!but mere a tickel of laughter!

but i m through it ,m so through it ,strong is d feeling, n u roast in hell is d desire!
u finally get to learn........ d consequences of givin up urself n realise..............
When you have come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to fall into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly...
so i hav learned to fly long time bak,but u cant help d human instinct can u ? u still go head m remorse ova watz gone, rather to go a head ........


Love can sometimes be *magic*.. But magic can sometimes be an *illusion*

a heavenly rendevouz.....

ohhh it was heavenly...

those views..the closeness to god..

that peaceful quite..

the wind..

the movin skies..... the colors unimaginable...

the beauty of the undiscovered...

yes it is dalhousie i talk about here... it seems like a different age.. a different time altogether... the place in itself is enough to blow your brains off.. its breathtakingly beautiful in its simplicity.. and then i owe that place one of the best times of my life.. it holds a special place in my heart.. its a place where i first discovered what all i sustained in me.. my time there had been magical and i keep all those memories in a box of gold .... its untouched...

i remember myself going there for the first time anticipating a million different images in mah mind about the place and the school i was supposed to be getting myself enrolled in.. nervous i was as hell but the moment i stepped foot in that campus.. something felt right deep down.. like it was meant to be.. i looked alla round me and i couldnt find one reason that i shouldnt come stay here... it wasnt only the place i found that out later..

hmmmmmm , the place was magical and so were the people.. i have met the best breed of the human kind there... :P :) and i am sure my friends a 100 percent would agree with me.. it is they who have made my stay there the most memorable one.. i met my best friends and worst enemies there.. my best teachers so far without a doubt.. and i m sure they cant be replaced.. its here i found the confidence in me that had been missing from long.. i lost my inhibitions.. i felt freear of this world and myself too.. myvery first memorable moment was i still remember in my first year there.. i had just appeared for my exams and nervous of how wud i fair... i have been the kid never too sure.. even though i was good.. we were getting our maths grades and my name came and i was so trying to just bury my head that i didnt hear the teacher sayin that i scored the second highest .. i joined in the whole class in the surprised as hell expression..lol from that day till the day i passed out the place had never ceased to amaze me.. i remember all our mealtime.. the fun and happyness.. i had my bed in the tv room .. watching tv ..listening to songs..getting late..getting scolded by sister.. siting by the window at night when everybody was asleep.. watching the valley..in the morning standing in the long lines ...the view.. as if god painted the same painting with the utmost perfection everyday.. the classroom fun.. our teachers.. moral science periods mein listening to all kinda ghost stories told by one of my most humble teacher's of all till date.." diryani mam" .. then the outings.. gawd hogging up food like the cave people.. it used to be like consume as much as u can ..dunna when next u wud get to avail the luxuries of the outsied world.. then smuggling chapati's from the mess and eating like theives in the dark of the night.. getting scrared by the smallest of thunders... leaning onto each other for strength... going to the Gurudwara every morn.. doing doubling for the prashad.. hehe .. sitting in the hustly bustly grounds watching the cars pass by wishing one of them was our parents visiting.. missing them.. and still enjoying the time shared with the newfound family.. playing cards.. london statue..lol and wat not.. talking endlessly with teachers and friends.. reading voraciously.. i read my first grown up novel teher..and thanks to my best friend.. she narrated the whole story to me.. and i remember my english teacher telling us that sidney sheldon's books are for grown ups and not us.. lol.. and within a year's time of that very suggestion we had finished the whole series written by him..lol the waiting line for books i recall.. the whole group used to be fighting who gets to read first and so on.. :) man they were the fabulous times..

shortening the skirt length to avoid the geeky stupdio looks.. hiding from sister.. washing clothes sunday. taking a headbath under the tap...with freezing running water.. and early mroning sitting on the banni and brushing teeth ..heheh.. it was a sight to watch.. and one that i can never erase.. playing stapu... getting punished ... the punishment being standing under the tv.. growing older in those hallways.. passing classes.. participating in the declamations.. watching movies on the big screen under the open sky.. gawd that is a must have experience.. it had been truly exceptional.. practising like hell for the sports day.. the gk quizes.. the essay writing competitions.. the games period..playing dodgeball.. and evrytime throwing the basketball in the valley..lol.. waiting for saturday'slunch.. eating ice creams.. smuggling the junk into the hostel.. all the birthday celebrations..sharing even the smallest bite of chocolate.. the big fights.. then the make up's and the sorry sessions.. the wishing upon a shooting star with all friends..the walking together and talking like never before.. with the wind blowing in our faces...

the discovering each otehr.. the amusement at the discovery of a similarity about a certain thing.. crying silently in your pillow when missing home too much.. the hugs those friends gave.. getting attached and never wanting to let go.. trying to forth the future.. and laughing together... the singing together...the learning lyrics.. lol..
i have a million things to talk about... its endless my friends have told me.. my stopries about dalhousie and the people there... that time we can never live again.. the teary goodbye i still remember.. the holding hands too warm each other's hands in the biting cold.. the packing at the end of every session.. and the heartfelt buhbyes.. and appreciating and apologising for the good and the bad.. the wish that those days never come to an end.. the irony that they will ... very rightly said "nothing lasts forever" it all passes away...

leaving its footprints on the sands of time are all da memories..!!!!

Dalhousie i say again, was magical

the impossible made possible..

ike our very own hogwarts it was...

like a temporary visit to heaven

like the very first rollercoaster ride..

like a walk in the rain...

like being wowed and stunned

like being swept away...

like the tidal waves....something we never experienced before and will never again !!

a walk to remember.......

so i lay my ....head back down
and i lift my hands and pray to be only your's ...
i pray to be only your's...
and i know now ....you're my only hope.......

uuuummmmmmmm......a walk to remember... its my favorite movie and then my favorite book...by Nicholas sparks.. though its a fiction it is no different from us.. its the most simplest of all stories.. so ordinary u might feel in the beginning...but I'll let you in on a secret its just simply beautiful... nothing has ever struck to be so extraordinary to me.. i watched it on whim this movie on hbo.. lol i didn't know it would just touch my heart the way it did.. after having seen the movie i was kinda in awe.. and then i read the book.... it just made my heart skip a beat...i laughed and smiled all through and i cried silent tears too... its a book that somehow instilled more faith in me .. it made me believe that love does change people.. it all so simple.. but yet it teaches us the biggest lesson in life that all we need to go on is "belief".. a small ray of hope.. and somebody who touches our lives in the "life altering" way.. it so tells us about us.... that sounds like a dunnna what ..but its like how we all are at some point in time of our lives...always trying to pretend ... where being the true us is not good enuff...and always hiding beneath our skins... for the fear of someone recognizing the true us... so goes the story of Landon carter... the cool dude.. always hanging out with the hot chicks and the coolest studs..the rich brats on campus.. for whom no one can ever be good enuff.. who are in a constant habit of looking down upon others.. who think people aren't good enuff in fronta them... isn't that what we all see nowadays... i mean i do... ..... and worlds apart is Jaime Sullivan... the simplest girl on campus॥ usually people's laughing stock... being ridiculed for her own beliefs and still at the end of each day she ends up praying for their wellbeing॥ thats her.. with her unending faith.. faith in a higher power.. faith in the people .. faith in her beliefs.. she's the girl who's talked about and ridiculed for her simplicity.. for being a li'l too extra caring and thoughtful... she's made fun of for wearing a plain skirt rather than some hot dress... gawwd haven't we all gone through that... but still she walks with her held high.. knowing what the damn world is thinking and whispering about... shows how our parents are always on the edge ...concerned and worried... always trying to protect us .. not knowing that worried or not...goood or bad we already are growing older.. and soon one day we'll be old enough to make our own decisions.. we will also get hurt and will have to learn to fight back and stand up for ourselves.. face everybody else.. recognize our real selves ... its a journey for them too.. we are all too ignorant towards listening to them as of now.. and thats a fact... but what they need to learn is that we can learn from our mistakes only.. and nobody can help it.. no matter how much they might care about us or otherwise... but in the end we'll always love them first and foremost...

i find peace when am confused
i find hope when i'm let down
not in me , in you...
i hope to lose myself for good
i hope to find it in the end
not in me , in you..!!

a walk to remember is a story about learning to discover yourself.. its the story of Landon and jamie.. a story that makes us cry.. its tragic yet in the misery we learn to find hope.. and move on with an endless faith... its to understand to be us regardless of the world around us ... its to find hapyness in the colors of the sky... its to learn to shed tears without fearing of what the world might think.. its learning to change... its to be able to breathe .. its to learn to soar high in the skies.. its learning to risk it... and above everything else it teaches us to live..

its learning to breathe
its learning to crawl
its finding that alone you and you who could break that fall
its living again , awake and alive..
its dying to breathe in those abundant skies..

for me this movie is the most special.. i cant exactly explain why though. i have laughed and i have cried and i have fallen in love with the story of jamie and Landon.. it makes me believe that having faith and hoping keeps us going through every bad.... "love is patient and kind.. it is never jealous...love is never boastful or conceited never rude or selfish...it doesn't take offense and is not resentful.. its always ready to endure whatever comes..."

a walk to remember is a story that above everything tells us that.... Miracles do happen....!!

wish you were here..!!

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you

So far away from where you are
Standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you And I wish you were here

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you And I wish you were here

ummmm cliched topics.... ! errrrr but indeed something to ponder upon..

How can loving someone with every pinch of what u are made of be possible on the face of earth...? i mean at times all i can do is wonder ..and think too hard maybe ...rethink every detail that could prove me wrong ..and maybe all this is not true..but then again i come back to the fact that at atleast one point in our lives We all have heard about it and seen it in fiction, on the television screens ,maybe even fantasized about it but in real it all seems so surreal.. .i mean to describe it in words is not possible ….if i speak from what i feel and have experienced its like how that first touch sets u up on fire instantly or how it feels like to have known that person from an eternity ..or how u seem to never be able to get enough of him or how u can just never stop thinking abt him or how the thought of him brings about the biggest smile on your face or go you go weak in your knees juss with the mention of his name and then the heart gives a warm smile... how literally there's a crave in u to be with him , listen to that voice, to the laughter or how with every breath one takes the other is on their mind and in their heart and soul ……there are such infinite things that cross my mind a million times but this feeling one should never let go of ... to experience love is is to feel how bird who for the first time has spread her wings and can never forget how that feels like to surrender to an open sky.....!

its a feeling they never wanna let go of ..the feeling of to always be in those arms ....2 close eyes eyes and be able to feel his presence,to get Goosebumps ..he he ..that’s how it feels …..When u just cant really cant stop loving him... even if u try try its like that piece of string that pulls u back in every time u want out ..its being addicted... its forgetting about yourself....but still remembering the minutest details about him.. to not be bale to fall back asleep once having heard his voice...to be smiling to yourself for no good reason......well thats what everyone thinks but secretly in ur heart you know its he and his most stupido act that could have caused you to smile... getting that adrenaline rush every time u are together...its in the the eyes..the look..its the inability to just lose your calm on even the jerky habits..lol..thats frustrating but like they say that it can make you do crazy things...its remembering all the important dates..hehe well girls do...lol thats me being biased as i know guys who do too and girls who never do..its even forgetting them and then the fights and the make up's... thats th best part..wink wink.. its the waiting...maan thats the worst part but still at the end of the day when u just get to talk it seems worth it.. its listening when no body else will.. its understanding what usually people would just miss.. its not laughing with the world when they do its standing by the other one and fighting back.. its to have that urge to be able to protect him from all the bad..to ignore your own tears but still at the same time be wiping them off his... its putting their needs before your own and its being happy when they happy..its to surrender and be submissive..and to juss melt in ....to dissolve in.... its knowing u can lose him and he may never be your's but still going ahead and giving in ur everything to him.. its trusting him with your life..its a belief.. its faith and hope....

do u remember how when u had first gotten wet in the rain..that first droplet of water that fell on your face .... the cold against our warm skin...its so soothing ... that first feeling is just unexplainable and similar is the feeling being described above .... it may not always be good..it will definitely hurt us and cause pain but still undoubtedly it is the most beautiful feeling to have been witnessed by we humans...

its a beautiful mistake...
its the bittersweet joy..
its the irresistible desire to be desired...
its to learn to live.....
its a temporary madness...
its being passionate..
walking on fire and flying in the skies..
its the warmth found in chilly winds..
its the shelter found in destructive downpour in the skies...
its letting go and holding on..
its a free fall in the air...
its the whispering wind against our skin...
its not the big things...its all the little ones..
its the falling of a teardrop just at the sight of him...a happy tear
its a gesture..a smile..a hug..a kiss..a word..a look..a touch..its love love nd love..!

"they all said you've lost it...... i smiled at first and then i laughed .... i laughed because foolish were they that they couldn't understand how in his love had i discovered myself...."

and thats what i learned....to discover yourself after having lost you is what this feeling is all about.. the world is here to laugh at us .... we cant never expect them to understand.. to smile at the things we smile at.. to cry about something that might have caused us pain.... they would never hold our hand in our troubles.. they can just make our decisions seem bad enough... make us the sinners... but it is up to us ... now we have the privilege to make the decision.. and i firmly believe.. its always up to us.. as in love and even our lives....

WE always have the CHOICE ..!

the first post.....comletely clueless at the moment..!

its 9th of jan 2008..... 2008 gosh another year has passed away....and it all seems like it happened in a blur.. the first week of this new year i juss dnt know how to describe..its took off a bad starting but now its all a mess... i mean i don't know whether to term it as good or bad or anything else for that matter.. i mean my first day was depressing...i guess i had too many expectations ...and a let down was waiting hiding somewhere while all my hopes were building up...

and then they all laughed when another hope was shattered...

i cried and then another realization got to me that maybe another year of despair was in store for me..i dreaded that thought and i just wanted to scream but somehow every time i tried something louder soaked in my screams...and they echoed nowhere but in my heart.. but then suddenly one little wonder happened... one thing that i ask of almost every second of the day...he gave it to me... suddenly i was smiling again..and it all didn't seem all that bad.. then i realized that no matter how hard we try life will always be a "bittersweet" turn of events...where i had thought that gloominess and despair would pull me in the dark but there somewhere lost in that dark was a small ray of hope which made its way out and shone into my life...like it did after every unending night....


the very first day of my year.. bought along hopes and despair...!!!
though i still await the perfect hapyness .. yet my lips do smile...
the very first day of my year... bought along hopes and despair..!!!