in d twilight zone...

"so the lion fell in love with the lamb"

i fell irrevocably in love with dis series.. its one book i have been able to relate to ryt from the core of me.. where i have felt des burnin feelings.. the kind of passion edward has for bella and she for him.. i feel that... its not so surreal.. when u fall in love... ur souls connnect and its difficult to even breathe widout each oder.. and takin care of the oder before ur own is like a eing given a mission.. a love like ids makes us follow our heart blindly.. i love u ... its so simple but its endless.. its eternal.. love turns a monster into a slave .. it can change anybody.. its d most powerful... where even the weakest becmes d strongest to protect d one they love... dey wud sacrifice nethn and they wud give up on nethng if askd for even themselves.. or even d that love... such are the miracles of love.... never has a book been so intense wid each word dat was narrated...

its d perfect beauty and d beast story .. it teaches us how even d ugliest deserves love , to be loved and can love.... everyone of us deserve it and shud g for it widout fear...

its one feeling that can scare u the most as it is potentially d strongest to break neone into pieces... but its d same feeling that gives u d strength nuff to break neone to pieces... :P its destructive.. its d only salvation... its d uneasyness d hesitance to let smeone so deep widin yet once u in too deep it gives d calmest of ol feel to anyone...

As much as I struggled not to think of him, I did not struggle to forget. I worried—late in the night, when the exhaustion of sleep deprivation broke down my defenses—that it wasall slipping away. That my mind was a sieve, and I would someday not be able to remember the precise color of his eyes, the feel of his cool skin, or the texture of his voice. I could not think of them, but I must remember them. Because there was just one thing that I had to believe to be able to live—I had to know that he existed. That was all. Everything else I could endure. So long as he existed.

its a paradox...

its a contradiction...

edward is someone is an enigma.. someone right out of dreams it seemed first but then even he ws imperfect at his perfections... too good to b true yes but still he ws flawed like ol of us are... they say love is not jealous... love is not but the heart sure can be can it b not?

but yes he was perfect at placing his love's needs before his own... her joy before his jealousy.. thats love..

love is not boastful... but even in its silence if true its d most boastful of ol.. it speaks for itself... its so loud widout words dat a blind, deaf , dumb can understand it... a monster's heart can chnge... love can bring the stone to life... i think twilight is the best example to understand this...

edwards kind are the perfectly carved out marble immortals.... and he is brought bak to life with bella's love... what one sees in d one they love they know it best.. to us she is clumsy, ordinary.. but to him she's d exception.. to protect her is like a duty important than his own life... to have her safe he wud sacrifice nething includin himself... and she wud , does d same... and love makes d weakest d strongest... gives them the power to protect even d strongest... it fills u up... it completes u .. it introduces u to a part of u , u never knew existed...

its different...

its sad... its weak .. its strong.... its happy, its killer and a lifegiver...

its dazzles u ... blinds u to everything but d one u love... it makes u wanna love and just do that... and make a life around it... and thats how shud it be... had there been nothing else in d world but love it wud have been a better place... and love isnt always about happyness its about everything... so we wud have never needed nethng else to depend upon but love....

this one is to the onei love... the one i have fallen in love for the second tym and i have found out that its with much more stronger intesity than i thot would never be witnessed again by me... i m tellinng u this... i was so scarred that i dint even know that this much love still was a part of me ... i am surprised myself that i have been able to feel this again and i want to thank u from the centre of my being... but u know its different with u .. this time i just dont wannna let u go .. and i wont and m selfish in doin so but i knw u want it tooo.. and thats the happiest part... i know i fight with u and i have ol my emotions upfront and visible.. its me widout any masks... i dotn hide my jealousy, my possesiveness for u , my lve, my hate wen u piss me off... i just keep loving u more n more and it keeps becoming stronger... d first tym it ws different i hd the strength to endure.. to endure his lack of attention.. him not being able to love me bak the way i wantd.. and somewhere i have been happy loving him just that way.. my love was enough ... i ws incomplete... i kept tryn to complete him and i just forgot me.. but wid u i exist... my needs my wants .. i m complete... its not perfect but its the best... i love d way u love me .... i lov e d way u are healing ol my scars... i love d way u make me happy ... and d fact that m happy being wid u .. and ur happy being wid me... he said it to me d last tym.. dat find someone who jsut doesnt wanna make u happy but wants to be happy with u ... and ur dat one... i somehow managed after olmost giving up on everythng and a aftr giving up lotta things to let him go... coz that was destiny... he had to be happy with someone else... i had done my part in his life... i had played my part and according to him it ws d bbest... i dont know it thats true coz u knw m nt perfect at ol.. m totally crazy.. ryt... but i cant let u go... i need to keep holdin onto u to be able to keep breathing... u help me get thru each day ... just knowin d fact that u r here and that u love me .. even if i fyt wid u.... or i m angry at u ,,, its u who helps me get thru everythin... just d knowledge of u existin and knowin dt u love me is enough... and i can never want to stay apart.. even though m goin to go away for a while but its with this hope that this tym this is it.. u r it... and that i return to u .. and we have our "happy ever after.."

things will keep changin with us but i will never stop loving u and that will never even become any less... i promise u that... u r mmy singer.. my soul sings for u to be with me... it dances everytym u r near... its olways surprised at ur touch.. its everytym a new feeling... a new expression... a new everythng... i need u ... i love u ... i am in love with u ..

u truly are my second chance at life...

Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything....

you'll always be the most beautiful part of me.. :)

tym isnt enough wen i m with u .. i want an eterity wid u.. i know a forever doesnt exist but with u i want it to...

u know one thin g i would always be grateful about knwng him is that he made me realise how much i could love someone... and dat i had it in me to not give up.. and am grateful to u for restoring the same feeling in me...

the more u love someone, the less sense anything and everything makes

irreversibly altered i am...... As I would always belong to u, so u wud be always be mine.

your touch sweeps beneath the surface of my skin, right through the bones of my face. The feeling was tingly, electric – it jolts through my bones, down my spine, and trembls in my stomach... ;)

and to let u knw one thing... no one will ever love you more than i will.. u will know dat someday... and i hope u r d happiest with me...

and the day comes when we would be in a place.. "somwhere only we know "

to d lost one.......

feelin blue !!

havent even visited this page in wat now seems and feels and indeed is after an age.. i havent yet been able to figur out y i really just stopped writing... i tried a lot... i had lots to express upon but i chose suppression over expression... y and how did i come to this point..? and wat finally made me come out of d bubble now.. ? well i would figure them out later... this blog i guess had always been about me and my feelings from a diferent life of mine so even this tym its dat different life dat brought me here...

they say tym is d biggest healer... but wat if one msters d art of fakin d healing ... wat if tym were never able to heal nethn and one just kept pretendin that its better now.. and that it really doesnt matter and its okay.. it might b hypothetically but it never has been in reality.. its just the ironical fact that one at tyms just doesnt get to decide or to choose... those are the hardest to overcme.. u can live wid a choice u made .. u decision u mde gone wrng.., but wat abt the ones dat were urs to choose from but were decided upon by others.. dis one goes out to the people who i dedicated d entire me to... i just wanted to apologise for nethn that i myt have done to hurt them or that has driven dem away today frm me... but they will never know of how much i really needed them a nd still do and no matter what feelings dont chnge.. tym does.. people at tyms do.. but wat we were remains a part of us ... new things .. new people just keep adding to our lives and us....

its beeen hard to choose to stay away.. its been horribly heart shattering to not be abble to hear ur voice or come to you wen in need... and not be there for u ... i love ...

misss u ...

dis one especially goes to a sourheart i once knew,.. i want to make it ryt.. coz not being friends with u is one of the hardest things i had to do... i needed tym and u dinn have d patience... things wetn outa hands unknowngly and widout my acknwoledgmnt... u completed me... and m happy ryt now.. jss u r misssing....

together and apart !!

ps- need d pants.. need u ... took long nuff but m here,,, and i still luv u .. u r not the long lost friend.. u r d friend i lost and i found from tym n tym again... and i wannan find u again...

xoxo

24th march'09 ..... random !!

In love, we win very rarely, but when love is true, even if you lose, you
still win just for having the tingle of loving someone more than you love
yourself.
There comes a time when we stop loving someone, not because that person
has stopped loving us but because we have found out that, they'd be
happier if we let go....
Why do we close our eyes when we sleep? When we cry? When we imagine? When
we kiss?
This is because THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD ARE UNSEEN.

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to
leave behind, but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world.
It's the beginning of a new life. Happiness lies for those who cry those
who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried. For only they
can appreciate the importance of the people who have touched our lives.

A great love? It's when you shed tears and still you care for them, it's
when they ignore you and still you long for them. It's when they begin to
love another and yet you smile and say, "I'm happy for you." If love
fails, set yourself free, let your heart spread its wings and fly again.
Remember you may find love and lose it, but when love dies, you never have
to die with it.
The strongest people are not those who always win but those who stand back
up when they fall. Somehow, along the course of life, you learn about
yourself and realize that there should never be regrets, only a lifelong
appreciation of the choices you've made.
Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive, not how you listen but
how you understand, not what you see but how you feel, and not how you let
go but how you hold on.
It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly. Outward tears
can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever...
It's best to wait for the one you want than settle for one that's
available. It's best to wait for the right one because life is too short
to waste on just someone.

hate......

i hate the way

i dont hate you....

not even close to it...

not even a little...

not even at alll.......................................

u think u can outsmart getting hurt...???

do people reallly think they can do that.... outsmart hurt...???


can we...????

" it happened all over again.. "
ironical as it is that i understand...

u love sumone and dey dont love u bak... u trust sumone and dey go ahead and break it ina blink.... u hand over urself to sumone else and they leave u alone in the destructive world... u wannna change for someone and dey take dat chance away before it takes shape....

what was wrong with her ..? she wondered.. as she had been for ol dos years... what was wrong with that no one loved her .. just wanted a part of her.. never the whole of her.. why was she so insufficient .. she wept ... she felt weak...

it ws yet another dark night...
empty and cold....

"did she not deserve love... ?"

she wandered aimlessly.. lukin for d support that wud get her thru.. but all she got was illusions... what seemed true to her turned out to b wrong... d forces of nature were against her...
she cud not compete nemore... she couldnt b strong nemore... she is a nomad wid one desire... "her happyness" and she has looked everywhere and she found tears everytime... tears dat have now become her shadow.. a thousand needles had been poked right into nher heart... making a thousand little wounds... which gave a pain greater dan dat given by a big wound... it never would heal....

"she looked in all d wrong places or it seemed ol d wrong places found her.. "

today yet again she got her already broken broken heart totally smeared into shreds... her heart weeps and asked her why did she put it through the same agony and excruciating pain ol over again... she answered " did u think u could outsmart getting hurt... ?"

you cant run away from hurt.. it follows u around,.... if u cnant risk it u are a coward.. and if u do risk it u have to b strong enough nto get through it. .. . . . .

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do

jaane tu...ya jaane naa..!!!

"sometimes running away is all that is left to do..!!!!"

is it true..???

ask d ones who r trying to run..

for example ask me.. !!! yeah running away is wat i have been trying to do and its the only thing left too..!! i wanna esape myself now.. today a friend came upto me wid these million questions on hnd ...searching for answers.. hoping he wud find dem in me... he has hope tht someday i will answer them but i knw better... i am all tangled up on d insides.. wat do i tell him... he asked me if i was on purpose trying to drive them away.. i knew i was ... but i dinna say.. i dinna say a word... i couldnt form nethin dat made sense in my mind.. i stood as still as a statue.. y am i doing this...??? i ask myself... over and over again.. y..???

has my faith really disappeared from me... have i stopped caring.. ???

i do care i knw deep down.. then y have i stopped showing...???

maybe because when i did show it , it went sour..!!

i havent yet entirely speculated the impact of everything i guess... but everytime it seems that has become my excuse... but thats again d truth..

i want someone to come and stop me from doing this to me and to all the people around me...

its not like they dnt stop me.. but i want someone else to come out of somewhere.. show me d way.. and assure me dat der's still sum light at d end of this dark tunnel.. i cant find dat in nebody.. everybody is nice to me ...they wanna help i know.. but they cant is also wat i know..

y m i driving these people away coz i know that i just cant do any good no more.. i dunt want to... i'm tired, exhausted... i have given up i know... i cant take nemore of this burden... i wanna get rid of it.. but dey dnt let me... so running away is all that is left to do..

kahi toh hogi woh...

duniya jahaan toh mere saath hain

jahaan main aur jahaan tu

aur bas jahaa tere mere jazbaat hain

Hoti jahaan subah teri, palkon ki kiranon mein

Lori jahaan chaand ki, sune teri baahon mein

Jaane na kahaan woh duniya hai

Jaane na woh hai bhi ya nahin

Jahaan meri zindagi mujhse

Itni khafaa nahin

Jaane na kahaan woh duniya hai

Jaane na woh hai bhi ya nahin

Jahaan meri zindagi mujhse

Itni khafaa nahin

Saansein kho gayi hain kiski aanhon mein

Main kho gayi hoon jaane kiski baahon mein

Manzilon se rahein dhundhti chali

Aur kho gayi hai manzil kahin raahon mein

Kahin toh, kahin toh, hai nasha

Teri meri har mulaqat mein

Hothon se, hothon ko

Chumte rehte hai hum har baat pe

Kehti hain fizaa jahaan

Meri zameen aasmaanJ

ahaan hai tu, meri hansi

Meri khushi, meri jaaan

Jaane na kahaan woh duniya hai

Jaane na woh hai bhi ya nahin

Jahaan meri zindagi mujhse

Itni khafaa nahin

Jaane na kahaan woh duniya hai

Jaane na woh hai bhi ya nahin

Jahaan meri zindagi mujhse

Itni khafaa nahin.................

BROKEN PIECES

dint want to let you go.. every moment ,even after u left made me just keep on holding that time tighter and tighter into my hands..i m so afraid of letting that go.. i dont know ..

i've cried my eyes out wishing for u to be back. hoping for wat now seems impossible.. it still takes d life outta me to acknowledge it.. why is it so.?

did it feel d same when she left... when u knew dat u lost her forever...

my heart stops evertime ur name is taken.. i knew u weren't mine but i loved u wid more than what i even had...

you asked for my life ...

and i gave my life in your hands ... alas..! u took it wid u..

and ol dat remains now is a shadow..

dust tht can be carried away by the slightest movement of the wind...

a fallen leaf..

a shattered heart !!

i cant erase u.. at times dats all i wanna do... but then d feelings for u r so strong still that i dunn wanna .. i just cant let anybody come even close ...they r my only hope for survival. it seems..

i have seen u cry for somebody else.. it killed me den..

and now i have to see u with somebody else...!!

its a punishment i seem to not be able to take on nemore...

why is that that i have to learn to be without u. why did god bring u back to me so many times. what is it that he wanted... it feels that it cant be over so easily. there is something.. something i cnt identify.. but it exists..

i see u everywhere.. in evrything..

hope is a dangerous thing they say..and now i know it is.. it destroys... faith destroys.. trust broken kills..!!

and i always lived on des things... now m a cripple

ol d hope's gone...

my world's come to a screeching halt...

i lived on oder people's love.. and dey kept on suckin it out of me.. a fool i was and still am..

i cant find solace in words anymore..

i dnt want the world to see me nemore..

i see you wherever my eyes go.. the moments flashes back evrytime i walk down a road..

i cant breathe ur presence is so overpowering .. it always chokes me up..!!

my eyes look for you all the time . .

people around me think i dont try hard enough..

but i have a million times.. and you dont leave..

even now when i'm upset you're d first shoulder i look forward upon on crying...

even if i smile its because of sumthing i was reminded you..

even if i'm thinkin your thoughts dominate my soul...

why did you make me love you my heart asks.. why when u knew you could probably never love me back... and now it is so that ....

evry pinch in me is soaked in your love.. maybe u never did love me.. but my love for u never seems fade..

it hurts to think though that i yet again became another need for someone.. its ironical actually.!

like dey say..

"always the substitute.. never the real thing"